Last night I saw the movie Red. If you don’t know, Red is a ridiculous action movie which was – for some totally inexplicable reason – nominated for a Golden Globe. In the movie Bruce Willis, Mary-Louis Parker, Morgan Freeman and John Malkovich each play their own most token characters; Bruce is a CIA retiree with a heart but no qualms about kicking your ass, Mary-Louis is a wide-eyed, beautiful woman with issues and no particular skills, Morgan is the wisened old mentor guy with God/Jesus-like tendencies and John is a lovable psychopath whose brain has been irrevocably fucked by years of LSD use. The basic plot concept is that Bruce has been targeted by a CIA assassin for being RED; retired and extremely dangerous, and he has to figure out who ordered the hit and take them down before they get him. I love that by the way, RED, I’m going to start using it all the time: “Have you met the old couple who live next door? The husband is cute, but the lady is RED.” Yeah I know, stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen…
Anyway, speaking of RED, about an hour into the movie Helen Mirren shows up as her token character; the sweet, proper old lady.
So uh, yeah. That happened… and ya know what? It was (say it with me) TOTALLY AWESOME! Wow. Helen Mirren should never not have a gun. I think someone needs to go back and edit The Queen and Calendar Girls and Teaching Mrs. Tingle so that Helen Mirren is always packing heat, I mean COME ON:
HELEN MIRREN WITH A GUN! BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED! I don’t know about you, but I’m a granola-munching, compulsive-recycling, organic-buying socialist vegan and Helen Mirren just convinced me to buy a gun.
Okay, not REALLY, guns are bad kids, stay in school, blah blah blah, but you just can’t deny that
Helen Mirren with a gun is TOTALLY AWESOME.