#8: Helen Mirren With a Gun

Posted: January 19, 2011 in Movies

Last night I saw the movie Red. If you don’t know, Red is a ridiculous action movie which was – for some totally inexplicable reason – nominated for a Golden Globe. In the movie Bruce Willis, Mary-Louis Parker, Morgan Freeman and John Malkovich each play their own most token characters; Bruce is a CIA retiree with a heart but no qualms about kicking your ass, Mary-Louis is a wide-eyed, beautiful woman with issues and no particular skills, Morgan is the wisened old mentor guy with God/Jesus-like tendencies and John is a lovable psychopath whose brain has been irrevocably fucked by years of LSD use. The basic plot concept is that Bruce has been targeted by a CIA assassin for being RED; retired and extremely dangerous, and he has to figure out who ordered the hit and take them down before they get him. I love that by the way, RED, I’m going to start using it all the time: “Have you met the old couple who live next door? The husband is cute, but the lady is RED.” Yeah I know, stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen…

Anyway, speaking of RED, about an hour into the movie Helen Mirren shows up as her token character; the sweet, proper old lady.

Oh heeey Helen Mirren, nice flower! Aw…

Whacha got there Helen Mirren?




So uh, yeah. That happened… and ya know what? It was (say it with me) TOTALLY AWESOME! Wow. Helen Mirren should never not have a gun. I think someone needs to go back and edit The Queen and Calendar Girls and Teaching Mrs. Tingle so that Helen Mirren is always packing heat, I mean COME ON:

HELEN MIRREN WITH A GUN! BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED! I don’t know about you, but I’m a granola-munching, compulsive-recycling, organic-buying socialist vegan and Helen Mirren just convinced me to buy a gun.

Okay, not REALLY, guns are bad kids, stay in school, blah blah blah, but you just can’t deny that

Helen Mirren with a gun is TOTALLY AWESOME.


  1. lovelabors says:

    Thank you for always giving me something Totally Awesome that not only keeps me in the know, gives me things to bring up at dinner with my parents, but most of all after a 14 hour day of theoretical jargon makes me smile! You Are totally awesome.

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